she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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