Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
