Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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