So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize