I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
