Whatcha textin bout Willis?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
