Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
