i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
