a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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