Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
