Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
