I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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