I wish I could punch you in the face.
Jerry, you need to find god
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
