No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
