I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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