i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
