i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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