I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
