I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
