Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
