he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
