im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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