I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
