I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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