Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
