the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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