Christians are straight up FREAKS
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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