Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
