if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
ttyl tear gas
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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