I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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