Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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