Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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