Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
