Apparently you make a good broom.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
