Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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