is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
