I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
