Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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