..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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