i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
