but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
