Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All I want is dick and wine.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
