I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
