No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
