I should be sponsored by Trojan
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
