I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
