That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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