I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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