chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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