went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
