Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He passed out mid-signature
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
