genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
