Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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