i was rollin on her like bob the builder
they need to just BURY HIM!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
