I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
