Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
