So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
