he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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