i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
love makes seman taste better
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
