He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
