Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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