North Korea, Best Korea!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
