im drinking this country out of the recession.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize