I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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