why didn't you poke me back
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
