Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize