Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
