The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize