i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
