I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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