Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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