And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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