I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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