The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
