I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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