I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize