Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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