Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize