ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
