I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
