He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
