i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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