i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my sisters under your porch take her home
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
