You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
