Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize