my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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