So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
