Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You are a genius and a whore.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
